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Monday, July 31, 2006

Socha Bi Na Tha - Chapter 11

It was a cold chilly Friday night. There was a bit of great unease and shiver in his heart. The cold weather mitigated his sense of feelings and transformed them to plain unease and shiver. Shyam stepped out of the airport and looked for a placard carrying his name. On a second scan of the hordes of people with heads and body thrust forward on the iron railing, he spotted an old, stout man with a long white beard with a yellow turban holding a sign that read 'Shyam - American Express'. Shyam waved at him and the old man picked his luggage and lead him to the cab.

Shyam sat down quietly. The warmth inside the cab regenerated his original sense of unease and shiver in the heart and the mind. He told the cab driver haltingly ,'Bhaiya, Muje ek STD call karna hai. Raste mein ek STD booth ke paas ek minute rukiye''Haan Saab. Gurgoan pahunchune parr ek booth milega '

It was 10.00 pm. The driver stopped at a place close to Hotel Raddison. Shyam got down and called up his home.
'Amma, I reached safely. I am getting into the guest house'
'Kanna, I was expecting this call to be yours. Did you get all your luggage safe ?'
'Yes Ma. I got them. I was worried about it'
'Have you eaten anything ?'
'No ma. I will have something when I reach the guest house. Where is daddy?'
'He has gone out''Okay ma. I will talk to you later. '
'Cheri Kanna. Be safe'
'Cheri Ma'
Click.

The pain of unease and shiver continued to remain. It was Annie. Over the days, he was able to think more clearly. Annie had Mathen for her. And her love for him seemed evergreen. And two, she was such a crazy girl, not the kind that Shyam would want to marry. Affection and care can make even the great and strong walls go weak and collapse. Despite Annie being a crazy girl and Shyam being aware of it, from the beginning , yet, he had developed a fond yearning for her over the time that he had known her.

He quietly resolved to let his mind off her. He would use the huge geography created between them as his ally. He told himself that he would think less of her.And he did this time around.

He wished her happiness in life. And asked for happiness for himself from God.

But little did he know, that God was going to give, just one of the two things that he had asked.

"yac capi sarvabhutanam bijam tad aham arjunana
tad asti vina yat syan maya bhutam caracaram"
"I am, furthermore, whatsoever constitutes the reproductive seed of all beings. There is nothing, O Arjuna, moving or motionless, that can abide without Me."

Chapter 10, Verse 39, Bhagavad Gita

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Socha Bi Na Tha - Chapter 10

Shyam left Trivandrum to join American Express in Delhi. He felt sad to leave behind Trivandrum and the few beautiful friends he had made. He had a silent farewell with Annie and it ached him to take leave of her for ever. He felt very terrible and he seemed to experience a pain, that was not of the normal or the regular kind, in every square inch of his body.

He had his first interview with Amex almost four months back. He had flown to Delhi and had disappeared without telling a word to Annie. In those four days, Annie had left many panic stricken messages of deep concern and enquiry in his cell. When he returned, Shyam did not tell her the truth. He was extremely afraid that if he ever did, Annie would make her sincere prayers to God that Shyam should never leave her and therefore he should not get the job. And he fully knew that she would never be able to even consider the thought of Shyam leaving.
And today, both of them were sitting silent on the park bench and not speaking much.

Shyam had wanted to take a picture of her and as usual, she had declined it. He always wondered as to why women are so very careful or paranoid about it. Unlike of him, he insisted one more time and Annie promised that she would take a very good picture of herself and mail it to him.

He had requested her the previous day to give him a handwritten card. And he felt deeply disappointed when he saw her walking bare hands when they met in the park. They looked at each other in the eyes and walked quietly towards the lone bench and sat there looking at the people around.

Neither of them spoke to each other. They just blankly stared at the world outside them.
After an eternity of silence, Annie took the brown diary that Shyam held in his hand. She flipped through the pages all the way from Feb 00 and stopped at the page that read - 29 Aug 2000 Tuesday’ . She took a pen and began to write. Shyam tried to look over but she continued to write.

‘My b’day - 2 day for you to remember always.
I wonder if I am the most crazy
Irritating
Dumb
Fascinating
Understanding
Wonderful
Beautiful
Pal
You’ve ever had ?

When she gave the diary, Shyam noticed a similar tear in the corner of her eye. Annie was surprisingly ,extremely serene and composed when she heard that he was leaving for Delhi. Shyam had not imagined that she would take the news in her stride so well. At best , he thought, she would be devastated and shattered. Even if she was , she didn’t show any of those emotion. Or maybe she had begun to expect that he was soon going to be gone and had prepared her heart.

All the while, they had spoken a lot. Spoken so much that they never had before. And all in deep silence.
Finally, Shyam stood up , preparing to leave.
‘I will miss you. You take care’, he said softly and shook her hand.
In that moment, Annie produced a handwritten card from nowhere and gave it to him.

It read
Good-Bye, I’m Really going to Miss You
I’d like to smile
And wish you good-bye,
But I can’t …
I’ve practiced , but the smile
Always dissolves
When I think of how it will be not having you around …..
…I know I’m being selfish,
But it just shows how important you’ve been to me
And how very much I’m going to miss you.
When someone as special as you leaves,
They’re bound to leave an empty space
Which will be very hard to fill.
But I do wish you well and I will say good-bye …
But don’t ask me to smile, at least not yet
Linda Lee Elrod

It was signed - ‘Annie’.

When he finished reading, a tear trickled down his cheek and fell on the card. He looked at Annie . He saw a deep pain in her eyes. He whispered , ‘ Bye’ and walked away without looking back.
(to be continued …….)

Monday, November 21, 2005

Socha Bi Na Tha - Chapter 9

Shyam was in his seventh grade. There was a circular received in the class which was read aloud by his English teacher. There was to be a Essay and Elocution contest two weeks from then. That evening, he told his sister that he wanted to participate. It was a gush of sudden desire that came from nowhere and he wanted to pursue it. The title of the elocution contest was ‘My happiest day in Life ‘.

Both discussed what they wanted to write and invented a story for the speech and Shyam practiced his speech. The final day arrived. The entire school from Class 6 to Class 12 were seated in a huge gallery. Riya was in Class 10. When Shyam’w turn came, Riya’s heart started pounding heavily. As that was Shyam’s first public speaking.

He spoke about his early evening walk and how he was captivated by nature’s beauty and spell bounded by the dozen daffodils dancing and swaying to the tune and rhythm of the breeze. That was the happiest day. He spoke loud and clear with confidence and complete ease. He had rehearsed it several times. When he finished, there was a thunderous clap. He got the first prize.

That incident proved to be the beginning of exploration of his new found passion. He took part in several competition in the next few years at the school level and at district level and won several prizes. His teachers adored him and a few of his classmates especially the girls were in awe of him. He spoke naturally and animatedly. His voice thundered with energy and power like a roaring lion.

But there is something about his mighty oratory prowess that would surface many years later and change his life. And change his life completely.

“ Veda ham samatitani vartamanani carjuna
Bhavisyani ca bhutani mam tu veda na kascana”

Verse 26, Bhagavad Gita

Friday, November 18, 2005

Socha Bi Na Tha - Chapter 8

‘Edi, so what do your other friends make you feel?’, Shyam asked with a wink in his smile.
‘Ke ke ke ke I knew that this was coming …..kekekeke .‘
She continued, ‘Raj makes me feel secured, Suresh makes me feel nothing, and you make me feel nice and happy’.

Shyam felt nice to hear that. He spoke to her for few more minutes and when he bid her goodbye, she gave a soft loud smile.
‘Why are you smiling ?’
‘You know something, Shyam. Everytime, you end the call, you always say-‘Ok, chal see you’
‘Do I ?’
‘Yes and I always find it sweet and makes me smile always.’
Shyam blushed silently.
"And You know something , Shyam ?" "What is it Annie ?" "You never force me to do anything that I don't like to do . If I tell you that I can’t come and meet you, you would say okay. You don't try to be controlling"
"Wouldn’t everyone be like that , Annie ?"
"Oh no! Not at all! . Sanjeev, always got on my nerves. He would call me and say You ARE COMING & SEEING me at 6 o clock ' and would just not listen if I tell him that I can’t make it and I would have to go. "
“Thats what I like you the most. You are so very sweet. I like you more than I can tell. Kekekeke”
"Yeah! So, how much do you think you like me ? "
"I don't know"
Shyam smiled, 'Ok Give it a try!"
"This much. As big as my little finger", Ana replied and giggled"
"Trust you to say this", Shyam said.

She turned suddenly quiet and added in a deep , soft voice – “If only Mathen wasn’t there in my life already , we would have made such a perfect match "

One Saturday morning, Shyam was woken up from his bed. It was his cell phone ringing. The time was 5.30 am.
‘Hello’
‘Hi’
‘Jeez, Annie ! edi, entha nee seyum karyam ? Its darn EARLY in the morning’
‘Shyam, I just felt an impulse last night to see my parents. Want to go home and decided to take the early morning bus. I need a drop to the bus stand’
‘What time is your bus?’
‘6.20 ‘
‘Okay, I will see you in 20 minutes’
‘Thanks’
And later while they were on their way to the bus stand, Annie suddenly leaned forward and whispered into Shyam’s ears , ‘ Shyam, the girl who marries you is really lucky’

Shyam Smiled. And FATE smiled.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Socha Bi Na Tha - Chapter 7

Whenever they met, Annie talked about all her men and women friends and also of Mathen with whom she was in love with . Mathen was in Calcutta working in a construction company. And she spoke particularly a lot about her boss in office. Shyam listened to all that she said and he enjoyed being with her for she was ever lively and full of laughter.

And Shyam began to take a deep liking for her and gradually realized how attractive she was. Her not so pleasant laughter, no longer sounded that unpleasant.

Annie was very caring, chirpy and full of energy , weird at times, ready for mischief and amazingly possessive of all her friends . She had a long list of friends and always had a lot to talk about them. But she would go silently red when Shyam made even a remotest mention of his friends who happened to be of the other gender. Shyam always found it funny and wondered on the reasons of her jealousy and possessiveness when she was already in love with Mathen.

Shyam also found her to be silly and extremely girlish, making friends with complete strangers . She had a long list of them . Shyam found that disagreeable, but attributed her weird ways and manner to her unique personality.

Over dinner, one day, Annie looked at him into his eyes and asked, ‘Do you know how insecured I feel? ‘ To Shyam, that was a shock. He had seen her being in constant state of laughter and happiness. He looked at her, waiting for her to continue speaking .

‘Not many can see how insecured I am deep within. This is what Raj saw in me. He makes me feel secured’. Raj was her boss in office. “Annie, I always had that feeling that you were more than attracted to him. But what about Mathen ? “ ‘Don’t know, Shyam. Every person that I meet, I always weigh him to Mathen and no one comes close to him’
‘Then, why this feeling for Raj’
‘Because no one has made me feel so secured’
‘But isn’t he married ?’
She doesn’t reply. She turns her head and gives him a silent look.

Shyam knew that she alone was capable of nurturing so many deep affections simultaneously with her many friends, but this one for Raj was overpowering and stronger. He could see that . He also knew that she would action upon them if those feelings for Raj got any bigger and that she would handle them if it reached beyond her own ‘laxman rekha’.

The next day, when Annie called Shyam, he had wanted to remember to ask her something.

(To be continued ....)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Socha Bi Na Tha - Chapter 6

"Can I speak to Priya?"
A pause and Priya's name is yelled in the speaker and moments later, a thin feeble voice is heard.
"Hello?"
" I wanted to speak to Priya" (After a pause of silence)
"Yes, that's me"
" I’m sorry. I know you are not her"
‘What ? I am not whom ?’
‘You are not Priya, I know’
"What! So you think you can see through the phone?!"
‘ I don’t have to. For your voice tells it out. You don't sound like Priya"
"What do you mean ? This is my voice" (giggles)
Shyam knew that he was being teased.
" I meant, that she has a sweet voice and your voice is far from hers"
"I am flattered"
"Why ?"
"That you say I have a sweeter voice "
"When did I say that ?"
"You said it just now" (giggles)
"I am impressed …. " (with a touch of irritation)
"With Me! Naturally! "
"That you could be so creative in your imagination …."
" Thank You !! I am honored" (kekekekekeke)
Shyam chose not to respond and adds in tightly "Really nice talking to you, but can I speak to Priya ? "
Laughs out loudly "And who do you think you were speaking to all this while! " She turns around and looks at her friend fast approaching and shouts for her amidst her giggles, 'Hey, I think this call is for you. Your friend must be pretty mad with me ! kekekekeke!
"Hello"
"God, Priya, There you are ! Whoever, it was, why did she pick up the phone when they yelled out your name over the speaker?"
"Shyam, that's my friend Annie Priya. This mix up happens occasionally. "

That was Shyam's first interaction with Annie Priya. And when he met her in person for the first time and no sooner had he got introduced to her, than she had staretd to say that there were 3 rules for their friendship. "You should never call me either at office or at home
whenever until I say so" ; 2) "You should always know that we could just be friends only "; 3) "You should understand that I am already engaged to someone"

All of it was too fast. Sounded strange and funny, after all, it was she who had wanted to meet him that day. They had few more conversations over the phone subsequent to their initial talk. And she had called him on his cellphone and asked if he wished to meet her. He had agreed for he too was curious to see the girl who giggled wildly over the phone and with a laughter that was unique and characteristically unpleasant . And he wondered as to
why was she imagining things and said such things. He was just meeting her. It was a mere first meeting. And he had never even asked that they meet. It was she who called him on his cell. When he had gone to her hostel and waited for her, she walked down, half smiling and half giggling. And held out her hand.

Shyam slowly took her hand and gave an handshake and no sooner did he, she remarked
"Do you intend to hold on to my hand for ever? kekekeke " He turned angry and furious. He knew that was deliberate .

His curiosity had turned into a plain disinterest when he saw her. She looked so ordinary. All the charm that he so imagined that radiated out of her conversations seemed glaringly absent. And to compound his disinterest, the way, she conducted herself. With an abrupt initial mention of conditions, Shyam found the manner wholly disagreeable considering that she had initiated the meeting and it was she who wanted to extend the acquaintance beyond the phone by wanting to meet up with him. And he also felt irritated and angry that she should even think of him as any other regular guy who was out to woo her. And above all, that she had a delusion that all men were constantly on her prowl and . "She couldn't be more mistaken", Shyam thought.

He decided that he didn't like her and that she was very unfriendly and a little haughty.
After that meeting , every day, she would call him and say a "good morning" and talk to him precisely for less than half a minute and each time with unfailingly regularity, she would
end the call abruptly. More often, the daily conversation was like -
"WHERE are you ? "
"Where do you think I would be ? ", Shyam would retort for he was tired of the same question everyday morning.
‘Kekekekeke ! Good Morning! …."
"Good morning "
"Everything Fine ? "
"Yes"
"Ok! Hey , need to run..talk to you later !"
"Ok, Chal , See you"
Shyam could never understand as to why she would want to call each time and carefully speak for less than half a minute. Those brief conversations continued for several weeks.

And gradually the friendship between them grew.

(To be continued ........)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Socha Bi Na Tha - Chapter 5

The e-mail had his resignation letter attached to it.

He left Citibank to join a company that was a leading provider of mobile telephony service.
The company had operations in Maharastra, Tamil Nadu and the entire state of Kerala. This company offered him a much bigger role, wide and increased responsibilities and the job profile seemed much challenging and exciting from what he did earlier. This company too was headquartered in Chennai.

8 months later.

Shyam was posted to the circle office in Kerala. He had just been once to Trivandrum, earlier to attend his -boss’s marriage when he was with Citi. He had extended his holiday and visited the Kovalam beach. He loved the place barring the grueling temperature. Every place looked nice and felt good when one is on a vacation. This time, it was a permanent transfer. He didn’t want it. But there was no choice. The company was re-structuring its operations and was moving in a lot of people from the corporate head quarters to the other circle offices. He was not happy at all. First and foremost, he felt that a move from a city like Chennai to Trivandrum would be disastrous for any of his future career moves. And second his job profile was to change drastically with the move. He had left Citibank just after an year and joined this company only because it promised him a bigger and more challenging job profile.

Everyone at his previous company had wondered and were shocked that he should leave Citibank within a year and enter into an industry that was unstable and unsure of itself . The mobile cellular industry was in its infancy in the year 1998. But Shyam was not perturbed. He knew he was doing the right thing and was confident that it was the right path to his career growth. He had not even consulted his parents. He merely informed them just the day
before he put in his papers. It was a strong pull factor that worked on him and so
he accepted it when he was approached. He accepted it. But with this new posting to Trivandrum, the promises held out to him at the time of recruitment were to coldly vanish.
The Finance head and the HR head had called him in to inform that his services were required in the Kerala Circle and that he had to report in there the following Monday. He was not the only one. Several other senior people too were asked to move to either Pune, Coimbatore or Trivandrum. His own boss was transferred to the Pune Circle.

His flight was at 11.00 am that Monday. He felt miserable, feeling nervous and apprehensive. He had a light breakfast and headed to the nearby temple. He prayed and sat there silently for thirty minutes and took an auto to the airport. Three hours later, he was at Trivandrum.
The office in Trivandrum didn’t have the looks of a multi national company. It was in heavy contrast to the classy interiors and buildings that was at the Chennai office. People working in looked so ordinary, lacking in style and sophistication. There was chaos and confusion everywhere. People were conversing as much as in Malayalam as in English.

He was greeted with extreme pessimism by his immediate boss and the functional head. They were very sceptic that Shyam who had only worked in the corporate office would have no clue as to what it is to be in the Operations and people in the corporate head quarters were clueless in the knowledge of business operations and its complexities and yet made fancy plans, forecasts and projections .

But Trivandrum had its charm. He was to meet Annie there.

(To be continued ......... )